is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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