Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
