I can tuck mytits in my pants
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
