I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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