The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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