actually, I'm a sock model
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
