Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize