your parents love me but you hate me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
