A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
