just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
