How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
