what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I touched a dick in church today
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
