I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
