he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
