dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
