You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
