I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
