At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
