Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
