i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
