So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did I show you my penis last night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
