I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
