We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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