Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
