Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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