nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
