remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
