I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
