walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
