fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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