It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
