Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
