He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
