I have demons in me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I could fuck to npr.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
