apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
