after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
