I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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