Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
