Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
