im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize