Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
In America we eat man semen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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