D3 body, D1 cock
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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