was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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