I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
