just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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