i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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