I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We just shotgunned beers for America
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
