Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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