u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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