The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
