She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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