its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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