I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
