Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
