I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
