i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
