so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
