I'm lost and stupid without you.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
