i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
