3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize