I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
