you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
