...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
