I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
