...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
