He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
