Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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