Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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