I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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