You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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