A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
