you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
