Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
