so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
