remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
