i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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