you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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