she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
