dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
