Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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