so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize