One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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