so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
