the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
